The Signs Are There!

The signs are there all right, I'm getting older. Apparently not better either, just more frazzled. Sometimes the whole Benjamin Buttons idea doesn't seem so bad. I feel as if I'm falling apart lately.

Last night I ate something that absolutely didn't agree with me and I was suffering all night long. About 2:00 am Stan went and got me some medicine so that I could finally sleep, I was so miserable. It worked, but it also resulted in my sleeping in too late to make it to our 8:30 am church time.

"No problem!" I thought, I'll just go for the last two hours. All was good, or so I thought. I'd been doing laundry the day before and hadn't yet gotten to my whites, but knew I had some undergarments in my room. Wrong! What I had was instead of a pair of undergarments, I had two tops. Now, in a pinch I might be brave enough to go out minus my top, but I'm definitely not going out without a bottom on!

I forgot to get a chicken out of the freezer last night and tried to quick thaw one today. The result was I got frostbite cutting up that chicken which is now in the oven.  I hope I get my act together soon. Gosh, if I'm like this now, what'll it be like when I'm in my 70s!

Hah! There's always something to look forward too, isn't there?

A THOUGHT FOR THE WEEKEND

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

Rita Rudner

What Was That?

When I was little I got confused pretty easily.  I remember being about five and listening to Christmas music and putting my own spin on things.  Even today when I listen to some songs I remember them the way I thought of them then.  It's pretty silly actually, and would like to think that there are others out there who have had the same experience.

For example, in the song God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen Perry Como used to sing the line "in Bethlehem in, Jewry, the blessed babe was born."  Now, you don't here this line too much anymore, they've changed it.  But when I was little I'd never heard the phrase "Jewry" and thought Mr. Como was singing "jewelry."  I knew what jewelry was.  I also knew Jesus was born in a manger, and one of the three wisemen brought gold.  I knew gold was jewelry.  And what was frankincense and myrrh?  That was probably the other jewelry!  I never asked anyone, I just knew I was right.  I listened to Perry Como last night and sure enough, when he sang that line a picture of a pirates treasure chest came into my mind.

In Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer they sing about the deer shouting out with glee.  Again, at age five this as not a word I was familiar with.  But I did know the word Gleem, which was a toothpaste they advertised on TV all the time.  I knew what they were talking about!  The reindeer brushed their teeth with Gleem and then shouted about it.  Probably, I pictured in my mind, while baring their pretty white teeth so everyone could see how good they brushed.  I used to do that for my mother before going to bed every night.  She would cover her eyes and tell me my teeth were so shiny they hurt her eyes.  Same thing with the reindeer I figured.

The other song that confused me was Jingle Bells.  I thought the name Bob Tail for a horse was totally wrong!  I had a dog I'd named Star.  I thought it was a perfectly lovely name.  But Bob Tail was so dumb.  I would have named him King, like National Velvet's horse, or Flicka, or something really wonderful like that.

To this day when I hear these songs for a brief second I think of them the way I did back then.  I was so sure that I was right that it must have burned itself into my brain. 

I'd be interested in hearing if anyone else had similar experiences.  Christmas is, after all, a time of sharing!

And so it continues ...

Getting older is definately interesting with my sister sending these cards.  Here's the latest:

My Sides Hurt

This is so funny, I don't even know how to tell you about it.  Just go check it out!

http://img25.imageshack.us/img25/277/tumblrl6ak8nim0f1qb7h9a.gif

Is it Too Cute or Just Too True?

A THOUGHT FOR THE WEEKEND

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
Erma Bombeck
1927-1996

Be Careful What You Wish For

I've been wishing there was some way I could get my mojo back on my diet.  That something would help me get back into the groove, as it were, and have not had any luck.  Until last week.

Last week I sliced open my tongue, and talk about pain.  It's healing alright, but it is so painful I can't believe it.  Talking, drinking, singing .... it all hurts, but nothing like eating.  Eating anything takes forever, and hurts so much that I am not doing too much of it this past week. 

I wanted help to lose weight, but this wasn't exactly what I had in mind.  So as I said, be careful what you wish for.  Doesn't always come in the way you think!

Whataya Think?

Not By the Hair of My Chinny Chin Chin

When I was in my twenties I used to have these long, thick eyelashes.  I was always really proud of them.  I fussed with various shades of eyeshadows and different types of mascara to show them off to their full potential.  Sometimes they would leave marks on my glasses because they were so long and in some perverse way that pleased me.  A sign that I had nice lashes.

Then I married my husband who had such long ones he would complain about them getting "tangled up" or "poking" him in the eye.  I found it difficult to feel sympathy since I had to work for mine.  My youngest son inherited his fathers lashes and he too makes the same complaints.

During this time my lashes have migrated.  What used to be long thick lashes surrounding my eyes are now fluttering off my chin.  What made them move?  Did my eyes and I not appreciate them where they were?  Is there something about my chin that calls to them?  Maybe the scenery is better there?  I have no idea. 

There are a lot of things about getting older that I find annoying: aches and pains, more pills to take, having trouble remembering things.  But this ... this traitorous act drives me out of my mind.  I've plucked, creamed, and waxed.  I found a little wand that "shaves" the beastly things off, and now I've discovered a little pad you rub around your chin that removes the culprits. 

*sigh*

Who knew the bearded lady at the carnival was just some poor woman who'd gone through menopause?  Ain't life a kick?

A Good Laugh

I saw this on another blog last month, and it's too funny not to share .....

Why Men do not Write Advice Columns

Dear Mike,

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband Allan in the house watching the Raiders game as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get Allan’s help.

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor’s daughter. I am 45, my husband is 68, and the neighbor's daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He retired 14 years ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Sheila

-----------------

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps,
Mike

Whataya Do?

Have you ever had one of those situations that you don't know how to handle?  At least, how to handle gracefully?  I have had plenty of them actually, but one really sticks out in my mind.

Back when I was in my twenties my friend Beth and I wanted to take a night class at the community college.  We decided, for some unknown reason (because we really tanked at it) to take French.  I guess it sounded romantic or something. We met an older woman in class and became friends.  She was about twenty years older than we were, married with children, and really interesting to us.  We started out going out after class and grabbing something to eat or drink and talking.  Soon we would meet at her house and visit.

One afternoon after Beth and I got off work we went over to see her.  She had been kind of down, and we found her sitting at her kitchen table, still in her robe, smoking and looking depressed.  We sat down and tried to cheer her up talking about the class, telling her what we'd been up to, that sort of thing.

Suddenly she stood up and said she wanted to ask us something.  She unzipped her robe and opened it to us.  She was naked underneath.  Now, that was shocking enough, but then she asked us, "Am I even?"

Now I ask you, what do you say to that???  I have no memory of what Beth and I did, how or even if we answered her.  Maybe we made like those cats Pepe le Pew used to grab and high tailed it out of there, I don't know.  What I do know is that I wish there was a pill I could take to erase that memory from my mind.  Maybe it'll be erased when I'm in my dotage ......

Mighty Maureen Saves the Day!

 Last August my parents came for a visit, which was really nice.  We spent one day up in Boulder touring Celestial Seasonings and checking out the town, and we had an interesting experience.  Today I received the following poem my mother wrote about the whole thing, and the gift you see in the picture below.  It's pretty funny ....

If you find that you are in trouble

And that you need help “on the double”
There’s a young woman in Colorado
Who will do more than she has to
To see you are saved from disaster!
This really is so,
Believe me, I know!
For she came to my aid
One day when I desperately asked her

We were out seeing the sights
Of Colorado’s many delights
When her sons needed food
And burgers sounded good
So to McDonald’s we go
For refreshments you know,
And this is what followed –DISASTER!

It was August in two thousand and nine
As we sat down at that table to dine
We tried to top each story of fun
Of things (in the past) we had done
I got misty eyed and afraid if I cried
The others would think I was dumb!

So we laughed and old memories were told
Memories that were burnished with gold
How I loved my dear family
How glad I was they belonged to me
Such happiness I’m unable to measure

But finally it came time to go
I had one stop to make, wouldn’t you know?
Soon I found I was all, all alone
Even worse, the door to my booth was locked tight
I pushed and I pulled and I banged with all my might
But my efforts, while good, to no avail came

The bottom of the door was 18 inches high
Should I try to slide under? No, I gave up with a sigh
There was no one who could help … What should I do?
Then I remembered the cell phone in my purse
I had never really liked it, but couldn’t have needed it worse
So I called my husband who was sitting at the table
But his phone was turned off – so he wasn’t able
To help me – and then – Maureen had hers in her purse
So I rang her number and her answer was terse

“What’s wrong, Mom?” she said, and I said these few words,
“I’m locked in the handicapped booth – can you help?”
“I’ll be right there,” she said, and hung up
This made me feel better and I started to laugh
Was it hysteria or relief at last?
It really didn’t matter, for it wasn’t too long
‘Til her footsteps crossed the room as her voice raised in song,
“Here I come to save the day!”
And with that my locked door popped open
There stood my daughter, tall, lovely and blonde
One hand in the air as she finished her song

You may think this is funny
But to me it’s quite serious
Let your kids watch cartoons when they are quite small
For it could be they’ll learn from them all
How to save others in those moments when so earnestly we pray
For Mighty Mouse will surely show them the way
--Mary Louise Hillyard

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

May your stuffing be tasty

May your turkey plump,

May your potatoes and gravy

Have nary a lump.

May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!
~Author Unknown

Books Are Cool!

This fascinated me.  Go down and turn off the music so you can hear it.  Very clever!

Enjoy Life!

Color Me .... What??

So, what is that old saying???  Blondes have more fun.  I was a blonde from the day I was born, then for some reason my body decided to age on me.  Dang!  After that extremely fun experience called menopause, my hair darkened considerably, and my son informed me that I could no longer call myself a blonde.

*sigh* 

So this past weekend I took the plunge.  I dyed my hair.  I went out and purchased some hair coloring that I thought looked close to what I had been when I was married twenty-one years ago, got up Saturday morning and did the deed.  Half an hour later I looked at myself in the mirror and .... YIKES!  Who was that?

Time and hormones (or perhaps the lack of such) caused the blonde hair coloring to turn my hair somewhat reddish.  Sort of a Strawberry Blonde.  Not at ALL what I was expecting.

I've been living with it for five days now and it still startles me to look in the mirror.  So I've decided I'm going to live with this for about six weeks and then ..... I think I'll pick a different color and give it a shot again.  After all, it's not rocket science.  I can play with it and see what happens next.  Which color should I try next .....  maybe Raspberry blonde????

A THOUGHT FOR THE WEEKEND

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Mark Twain

1835 - 1910

I'm Hooked!

I've made no secret of the fact that I love Pokemon. Yes I do. I love playing my Game Boy, but there aren't many games that I am that interested in outside of Pokemon and the Golden Sun games.

But my kids have now introduced me to Professor Layton, and I AM HOOKED!! It is a "mystery" game played by solving puzzles, and it is addicting. I think it's probably good for my grey cells to be challenged like this too.

For example, one puzzle said that baby mice can reproduce every two months and have five babies. (I'm paraphrasing here.) If you brought a baby mouse home, how many mice would you have in a year?

Sometimes I have to ask AJ or Kevin for help because the solution eludes me, even after looking at the hints! It's sad, but I console myself by telling myself that there are worse addictions in life. I'm not sure what, exactly ........