Thursday, March 12, 2009

Just one of those days

Yesterday was a bad day and it's spilled over into today for me. Then Stan reminded me that my fellow bloggers would probably make me feel better.

Wednesday Stan took the boys and me to Costco, one of my favorite stores! We had hot dogs for lunch then did our shopping. I saw a good friend, Kristeen, there with her two youngest daughters. It was so nice to see her, and I got a hug and a quick chat before AJ brought one of the riding carts for me. He was pretending to be a major celebrity as he drove it down to me and it made Kevin and me laugh. I use the riding cart because since injuring my leg it's so hard to get around a store as large as Costco.

It was fun. Stan got a bonus as work this week and we decided to pick up a couple of cases of things to donate to the new food bank that opened near us last week. The boys and I picked out what we were going to take and they also helped me get the rest of our groceries.

Then I found out that an older woman, after I passed her, made some remarks about me and my size and the fact that I was using the riding cart. I didn't hear her, but she said those things about me in the presence of my children. AJ told me that he almost had to hold Kevin back because he got so angry and the woman took off scowling at them.

The thing is, I was feeling happy, hopeful and good about myself. And then I'm reminded that I'm different, that I don't fit in. I'm never prepared for people's hostility toward me for being overweight, but sometimes it just takes my breath away. And what particularly hurt about this is that she said it where my children heard it. The thing I'm most afraid of, most self-conscious of is being an embarassment to my family and friends. And in one moment that's what she did, and I let her.

Last night Tara and I took two of the women we visit teach out for frozen custard and a visit. The whole afternoon I fretted about it; would I embarass them, would they feel uncomfortable being with me in public, that sort of thing. But bless their hearts, if they did they didn't let me feel it.

I know why people who aren't the same as everyone else sometimes become recluses. I had to go out again today and it was so hard. When I talked it over with Stan he said, "Blog about it. Those women are your friends and they don't judge you." So that's what I'm doing. I'm getting it off my chest instead of brooding about it. I'm sorry that lady said those things. But I'm sorrier that I let her hurt me. Next time maybe I'll be stronger.


Rach said...

Maureen, I'm sorry that that lady said those rude comments and hurt your feelings. Some people can be so ugly and judgemental. She was completely wrong. You are one of the most wonderful, most beautiful people that I know - inside and out. Don't you pay any attention to her and don't think any more on her comments. I'm sending you a hug over the internet since it is too late to come to your house.

Mel said...

People can be so mean but you have nothing to worry about. She doesn't know you and so therefore can not truly know what a great person you are. You have such a big heart and are so kind to everyone. It is too bad that she will not know that. The people that matter the most are your family and friends and we all love you. So smile and have the best day ever.

Tara said...

Oh Reeny!! I didn't know that had happened!! I am in tears right now as I type this that some blankity-blank thing (can't call her a human being) hurt someone I love! Rachael is right...You are one of the most BEAUTIFUL people I know- inside AND OUT!! I don't know ANYONE who has your heart! You are the kindest, most loving person! I love you!! Please, PLEASE don't let that beast into your head...that's Satan's way and he will win if you do!!
Remember, the One who knows you better than ANYONE, loves you MORE than anyone! Only let Him be your judge...

Tiffany said...

My sweet friend, this may surprise you, but I feel more sorry for that awful woman than I do for you. What a miserable, self-centered, judgemental, screwed up life she must be living to be so heartless. You have everything--the most loving tender heart I've ever known, wonderful gentle Christ-like boys, an unconditionally loving husband, and you have a beauty that radiates to EVERYONE who knows you. Please believe me when I say that my mind wants to HATE that horrible woman for what she did to you and the venom she puts into the world around her, but I pity her instead. How does she live with that kind of animosity? Who she REALLY can't stand is HERSELF and her insecurity. Unfortunately, many amazing people have suffered similar pain to what you are feeling in the past. A few that come to mind are first, Nephi. His own brothers hated him so much that they tried several time to kill him and said treated him horribly. Joseph Smith loved everyone and yet was betrayed by his best friends and had horrible untrue things said and printed about him. Joseph's brothers sold him to be a slave in Egypt, but he forgave them. The Savior Himself, was spit upon, lied about, and crucified and was perfect. Satan will always try to bring us down through the hatred of others, but just like these examples, we can't let him win. He wins if you let it hurt you and become a recluse. You are here to "let your light shine" and that's what you need to continue to do. Don't let that awful women (aka Satan) put out your light. I love you with all of my heart, dear friend. BELIEVE!

Maureen said...

Thank you dear friends for reminding me that the people who matter most are not unhappy strangers in stores, but the people who surround me with examples that I try to emulate. I appreciate you letting me get that experience out of my heart, and for bouying me up when I needed it the most. You are the BEST!