Yesterday was a bad day and it's spilled over into today for me. Then Stan reminded me that my fellow bloggers would probably make me feel better.
Wednesday Stan took the boys and me to Costco, one of my favorite stores! We had hot dogs for lunch then did our shopping. I saw a good friend, Kristeen, there with her two youngest daughters. It was so nice to see her, and I got a hug and a quick chat before AJ brought one of the riding carts for me. He was pretending to be a major celebrity as he drove it down to me and it made Kevin and me laugh. I use the riding cart because since injuring my leg it's so hard to get around a store as large as Costco.
It was fun. Stan got a bonus as work this week and we decided to pick up a couple of cases of things to donate to the new food bank that opened near us last week. The boys and I picked out what we were going to take and they also helped me get the rest of our groceries.
Then I found out that an older woman, after I passed her, made some remarks about me and my size and the fact that I was using the riding cart. I didn't hear her, but she said those things about me in the presence of my children. AJ told me that he almost had to hold Kevin back because he got so angry and the woman took off scowling at them.
The thing is, I was feeling happy, hopeful and good about myself. And then I'm reminded that I'm different, that I don't fit in. I'm never prepared for people's hostility toward me for being overweight, but sometimes it just takes my breath away. And what particularly hurt about this is that she said it where my children heard it. The thing I'm most afraid of, most self-conscious of is being an embarassment to my family and friends. And in one moment that's what she did, and I let her.
Last night Tara and I took two of the women we visit teach out for frozen custard and a visit. The whole afternoon I fretted about it; would I embarass them, would they feel uncomfortable being with me in public, that sort of thing. But bless their hearts, if they did they didn't let me feel it.
I know why people who aren't the same as everyone else sometimes become recluses. I had to go out again today and it was so hard. When I talked it over with Stan he said, "Blog about it. Those women are your friends and they don't judge you." So that's what I'm doing. I'm getting it off my chest instead of brooding about it. I'm sorry that lady said those things. But I'm sorrier that I let her hurt me. Next time maybe I'll be stronger.
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